…When I’m Eighty-Five!

My BFF and I have begun referring to This Hip Sugery as, ‘When I turn 85.’

In other words, I will feel old and frail, etc.  All those old-age stereotypes, as it were.  For example, we went to go see Gangster Squad last weekend (two words: Ryan. Gosling.), and it was at least -4,000 degrees with the windchill.  This prompted me to tell her, ‘when I am 85, you will have to go run and get the car so you can pick me up at the door.’

Which got me thinking that I should throw myself an 85th birthday party this spring, right before the PAO.  And I would totally register for shit, too.  Think of all the fun things I could get from other people; things that are on my must-have list for major hip surgery:

-Shower chair (‘WOW!  I had NO idea these come in Green Bay Packer theme!’)

-Raised toilet seat (Is the installation of this thing chick-friendly?)

-Cane and wheelchair (Maybe two or more people could go in together on these.)

-Millennium Crutches (This is the only thing I for which I will register that will give away my young age.)

-An awesome new messenger bag in which to carry stuff around while I’m crutching.  (Don’t tell anyone how many backpacks and bags and all that I already own.)

-Sock putter-onner thing.

-A new journal (I buy a new journal every time something happens in my life.  I have more journals than bags.)

-A hospital bed.  Seriously, might as well aim high.  This is the equivalent of registering for the $4,000.00 set of baby furniture but knowing you’ll be charging the crib and changing table for $94.99 at Target after the shower’s over.

I know people hate baby shower games.  But I’m hoping that my status as young person about to have her pelvis broken in four places will yield me some pity.  I don’t normally try to capitalize on that sort of thing, but I think it’s probably okay for my 85th birthday.  As such, I will have to come up with some stupid games to play.  That or people will pretty much just be dropping off gifts and eating amazing cake from Lane’s.  I don’t want them to feel cheated.  Perhaps I need to think more on this aspect of the birthday bash….

One comment

  1. dramaticallyhip · January 30, 2013

    Love this! I thought if doing the same thing but my birthday was not at the right On my way!. Good list of purchases, too – you’re gonna need all of those things (though I got away without the hospital bed) so let your friends chip in! Then, when they come over, you can point to the toilet riser or sock putter onner and say “thank YOU!”

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