My BFF and I have begun referring to This Hip Sugery as, ‘When I turn 85.’
In other words, I will feel old and frail, etc. All those old-age stereotypes, as it were. For example, we went to go see Gangster Squad last weekend (two words: Ryan. Gosling.), and it was at least -4,000 degrees with the windchill. This prompted me to tell her, ‘when I am 85, you will have to go run and get the car so you can pick me up at the door.’
Which got me thinking that I should throw myself an 85th birthday party this spring, right before the PAO. And I would totally register for shit, too. Think of all the fun things I could get from other people; things that are on my must-have list for major hip surgery:
-Shower chair (‘WOW! I had NO idea these come in Green Bay Packer theme!’)
-Raised toilet seat (Is the installation of this thing chick-friendly?)
-Cane and wheelchair (Maybe two or more people could go in together on these.)
-Millennium Crutches (This is the only thing I for which I will register that will give away my young age.)
-An awesome new messenger bag in which to carry stuff around while I’m crutching. (Don’t tell anyone how many backpacks and bags and all that I already own.)
-Sock putter-onner thing.
-A new journal (I buy a new journal every time something happens in my life. I have more journals than bags.)
-A hospital bed. Seriously, might as well aim high. This is the equivalent of registering for the $4,000.00 set of baby furniture but knowing you’ll be charging the crib and changing table for $94.99 at Target after the shower’s over.
I know people hate baby shower games. But I’m hoping that my status as young person about to have her pelvis broken in four places will yield me some pity. I don’t normally try to capitalize on that sort of thing, but I think it’s probably okay for my 85th birthday. As such, I will have to come up with some stupid games to play. That or people will pretty much just be dropping off gifts and eating amazing cake from Lane’s. I don’t want them to feel cheated. Perhaps I need to think more on this aspect of the birthday bash….